It’s been a while. Again… But I’m back. I find it very hard to do just about anything consistently honestly. They say consistency is key, but honestly for me being able to do things whenever I have a bit of energy to spare is key.
Spring is trying to break through here, but at the moment it’s really just rainy. But at least the longer days are helping me lots. It’s kicking my depression in the butt and I find myself having lots of motivation to do stuff. However, energy is still nowhere to be found. If I can make three meals in a day without relying on leftovers and do one other thing I can count it as a good day. But this tiredness seems to have nothing to do with my autism either. Of course, some things take more energy because of it, but plenty of other things don’t. And considering it’s a very heavy, dragging sense of tiredness it’s completely different from the mental tiredness that comes with autism. Besides that I’m dealing with joint pain, so that is most definitely not caused by that. So I decided to see my gp to try and figure out what it is.
Earlier this week I called in for an appointment and I could come in in less than an hour. He took me seriously luckily. So the first step was to get my blood tested for the obvious options, such as deficiencies and pfeiffer, arthritis and the general state of my blood. But to no surprise, that came back clean. The nice thing is, I hadn’t taken my supplements in a while, so now I know that taking them inconsistently is enough. Anyway, my gp gave me the option to be referred to a specialist and call back when I had made a decision. I knew ahead of time that I wanted to look further, so I called back the next day, which was today. They told me to call my insurance to see what my options were and they would write a referral as soon as I got back to them. So I asked them what to ask for, and made the call. Guess what, they couldn’t find anything of the sort and asked me to call back my gp and ask for a specialist to look up. Even though my at my gp’s office they could name at least 4 options right away.
Honestly I’m not all that surprised that my insurance would be the first hurdle, but at the same time I’m really bummed out that I’ve already met my first hurdle before even having been at a hospital. But on the positive side, at least my gp isn’t the first hurdle. So I’m going to call them back tomorrow, because right now I don’t have the spoons for another phone call. Honestly phone calls are the worst, they take so much energy out of me. But I want answers, so I’ll have to get through it.
Now besides that, there’s also some other stuff going on. My partners search for a job still hasn’t had any result. Well, not a lot anyway. When we were finally almost getting through the process of getting on welfare, they got called for a job, so they took it and cancelled the appointment for the welfare. But after two days of work they got sick, spent two days at home and lost the job. Because apparently a person can’t be sick anymore these days. Meanwhile they still have to get a new id to get payed for those days they worked. So we’re still living well below social minimum, and that’s with help from our parents. But honestly, I’m getting pretty sick of having to ask them for money to even just survive without ending up on the street. Next week my partner has another job interview, so fingers crossed. Bloody hell, I wish we could get out of this wretched system. Honestly, screw capitalism.
Meanwhile, I have started an etsy. Yes, that’s right, I have started to try to make money. I’m hoping to make a little extra pocket money with my hobbies this way and eventually hopefully even building something in case I should ever lose my benefits. I know from experience I simply can’t work for someone else. I have trouble processing things other people ask of me and doing things when I have to rather than when I have the energy. But that doesn’t mean I can’t do anything at all, so here goes nothing. The stock is still pretty meager at the moment, but if you are interested anyway you can check it out here or under the tab shop at the top. Eventually I want to make lots more soap, knit work, embroidery, my cookbooks and lots more there. My current project is a large trans pride scarf. But aside from having to put in the work I also have to be able to afford the materials, so it will probably take a while. That’s not going to stop me from trying though.
Now I got that of my chest let’s move on to what I ate today. Let’s start with breakfast.
I started today with cherry flavoured yoghurt, topped with homemade muesli and a banana. The muesli should have been granola, but oh well, it still tastes good.
For lunch I had leftover flatbread with leftover tvp, onion, sauerkraut and sauce.
For dinner I had the same thing, except I remembered I still had two avocados I got on monday. I was afraid it was already too far gone, but it was fine, so I added half of it. I should probably eat the other one tomorrow.
Right now I’m incredibly tired, so I’m going to call it a day. I hope to see you again next time. Bye.