Today is already day 11 of my challenge. Today I’m sat on the balcony writing on my phone as it’s getting dark outside. I’m not doing well. (CW: autistic breakdown, disability benefits assessment, aggression) Today I got a letter that I’m summoned to a meeting regarding my disability benefits. With 8 days notice. The appointment is with the same person as last time, who first would not believe I could not do certain things and then got angry at me for shutting down after he kept pressing on about questions I either could not answer or felt uncomfortable answering because they were too invasive. It was actual fear that made me able to stand up and leave. My hands have been shaking for at least an hour after I got the news, because I dread being in the same room with that man again. Those appointments have always been something I’d been looking up against, because of the anxiety of either losing my income or them making me work or “get help” or anything as well as even the best of appointments simlpy being draining. But since last appointment I’m genuinely scared to go. Thank the gods my partner is coming with me this time, at least I’m not alone. I’m so scared I’ll lose my benefits because of not being able to answer questions or doing as they ask. And we’re struggling financially as is. I really just want to pack my stuff, leave and live off grid or something somewhere. I know it would be hard, but definitely better than this. I feel so trapped in this situation.
Speaking of feeling trapped, it’s becoming hard not to shop besides produce, but we’re broke (again. it’s so bloody exhausting) so it’s not like I have much of a choice. At least let me share with you what I ate today to end today on a slightly happier note.
For breakfast I had a smoothie made out of bananas, strawberries and orange juice.
Then after I went on a walk, to get a little exercise before it got too hot.
For lunch I had a salad consisting of potatoes, carrot, tomato, cucumber, olives, an egg, homegrown lettuce and dressing.
Between meals I had some of the sugar bread I made yesterday. For dinner I made steamed buns. I love that I’m getting the hang of working with dough and that things like this are getting easier and easier.
That was it for today. Thanks for bearing with me. If you have similar experiences and want to talk about it, feel free to leave a message in the comments. See you tomorrow. Bye!